Toujours T'aime
by belleremy
Summary: This is not in French, and this is my first fanfic! Hope it's okay :/ I do not own any part of Degrassi  unfortunately
1. Chapter 1

"I know that I love you and that I want the best for you, but I'm sick and tired of the games. Swing by my place tomorrow. We'll talk, okay?" Clare said to Eli's voice-mailbox, pressing and holding down the end button on her 'dinosaur-phone' as Eli had called it just a week before. _Why can't I just have one successful relationship? _she wondered, taking a seat on her front porch.

It was cold outside, and she wished more than anything for Eli to be beside her at that moment, holding her hand and snuggling against her face like he always had. She sat on the porch, silent- thoughtless, for a good half-hour before her mother, Helen, came to check up on her. "You must be freezing! It sure is nippy out here. Come on inside, I've got hot chocolate waiting for you."

After much thought, Clare came to the conclusion that it was in fact very cold outside and that she should go inside. She closed the door gently behind her to see Helen sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace.

Grabbing her hot chocolate, she took a seat. "Mom... Have you ever had one of those days- Where the amount of bad things that happened were twice the amount of good things? Everything is snow-balling and the person that means the most to me- Other than you, of course- Seems to have given up. What do I do?"

Helen sighed. "If I knew your father and I would still be together. Oh, and please stop using that silly phrase! Snow-balling is a childish term. You're in advanced English, dear. Think harder." She floated gracefully out of the room, leaving her brown sugar scent behind.

Before she knew it, the morning light was shining through the window panes and there was a note on the counter from Helen, stating: _Didn't want to wake you. I'm at work. Dad and I are switching out tonight. Enjoy the rest of your winter break!_

_ Great! Mom's at work, Eli's ignoring me, and Dad's coming home. Just what I wanted. _she thought to herself, tearing up the piece of paper the note was written on and throwing it out. She first took a shower in hopes of it making her feel better.

When she came downstairs, Eli was sitting on her couch, looking anxious. He smiled politely, standing up. "What- What are you doing here?" Clare asked worriedly. "I thought you were ignoring me." she added with a twinge of hatred.

"Not 'ignoring', just trying to surpass this. After I heard that voicemail you left me, I felt your pain. Clare, please understand that what I'm going through is bigger than this. Bigger than you. _Bigger than us." _He put his hands in his jacket in attempt to hide the shaking, but she knew something was wrong.

"It may be bigger, but it's not stronger." She embraced him, taking in his stiff body. "We have to fix me." He mumbled into her shoulder, tears in his eyes. She could hear the sorrow in his voice. "No. We just have some straightening up to do. That's all. You can't fix something that's not broken."

"I am broken." he replied, saddened. They sat closely together without saying a word for what seemed to be hours, but was only a few minutes. "God, when did we get so sappy?" Clare giggled, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, smiling. This was the Eli she loved. Spontaneous and caring. "Famished!" she joked, throwing her head back dramatically. "Morty awaits!" He lead her to the hearse.

_So, this is it? All of the obstacles we just faced are now irrelevant? _Clare pondered, buckling her seat belt. The hearse had an odd yet comforting smell- or odor, rather. He blamed it on the whole 'hearse' thing, but it was probably just Eli's lack of organization and vehicular hygiene.

Eli drove to a diner called 'Xpo' that they had discovered on one of their many "urban adventures", as Clare had called them, in silence. That was one of the many things Eli adored about his relationship with Clare. There were never any awkward silences, just comfortable quiet times.

Besides, they had nothing to say to one another. Eli was just as confused as Clare about their recent relationship drama. Despite the hear-say, he had never cheated on her. What Eli didn't know was that Clare had gotten revenge against his rumored hook-up.

Back-stabbing, lies, commitment issues... Where will it end? Keep reading to find out!


	2. Chapter 2

"I'll have a grand-slam and black coffee, please." Eli said to the waitress, closing his menu and smiling widely at her. Coffee was, like many other things, something he couldn't bear to part with. "And can I have the number five?" Clare asked politely. The waitress was very familar to the both of them, for they had been coming to the diner for weeks now.

"Your eyes look stunning in this light." He said kindly, tipping over the salt-shaker and spilling salt all over the table. They fumbled hands, both trying to pick it up to prevent more spilling. "Thanks. How have you been these past few days?" Clare said awkwardly. "Okay, I suppose. Can we drop this act now? I know we've encountered a rough patch, but we need to overcome it. I need you right now, Clare. I can't pull off this facade anymore."

"I don't know if I can trust you." Clare returned bitterly with a twinge of nervousness. What Eli didn't know: Clare had cheated on him in vegeance of the rumors that had been spread about _him _cheating on _her_. What Clare didn't know_: The rumors were lies._

"Come on!" Eli replied, throwing his arms back, smirking. "What you did was _foul_, Eli." she whisper-yelled under her breath, giving him 'the eyes'. "So you still believe that... If I cheated on you, why would I be here with you right now? Why would I want _anything _to do with you? Answer me that."

"Because you don't want to hurt me." she said, sounding like she was in pain. The secret she was hiding from Eli was taking it's toll on her. "Where do you even come up with this stuff?" he laughed. **(Direct quote from Degrassi :3)** "Jesus, if I didn't know better, I might think you're hiding something!" he added in sarcasm, making her heart drop to the pit of her stomach.

"Uh... I guess you're right. Who needs grudges anyway? Haha." Clare laughed awkwardly, trying to hide the flushing of her cheeks. Eli's face lit up. "I knew you would come around. Who's at your house tonight? I was thinking you could come over and watch a movie with me or something."

Clare knew what he meant by 'watch a movie with me or something.' It was more than that. He didn't beg her for sex. Truthfully, she knew he just wanted someone to hold. "You'll laugh if I tell you the real reason I want you to come over!" He had told her weeks before as they laid in his bed together. "No I won't! I promise." she responded, giggling.

"I like it when you fall asleep in my arms, and they go numb. I like the feeling of not feeling. Does that make sense? I love it when your body is pressed against mine and my arms start to tingle. It's like my body's natural reaction to yours." Eli said, the words rolling off of his tongue so gracefully and with such a great amount of meaning.

"That's not silly, that's romantic. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." They snuggled closer, Clare resting her head against his chest. Their relationship was like a romance novel.

Now, she often found herself pondering the kiss she shared with Fitz. Was it really considered cheating? _I kiss my grandmother... _she thought to herself. _It's not like it went any farther than the kiss. Almost doesn't count in love roulette._ It wasn't just the kiss. It was the purpose behind it, that she was trying to get back at Eli. It was the first rumor she heard about him and she assumed it to be true.

"Dad's there tonight and for the remainder of the week. You know, he's less uptight about letting me go. I'm sure he will." Several minutes later, their food arrived and the conversation had fluttered away to something less stressful. Finally, the kiss was off of her mind and she was no longer freaking out about it.

They finished their food and drove back to Clare's house, his hand gently rested on her thigh. "I had fun this morning." she told him, straightening his scarf. "So did I. I'm glad we're back together, if what's been going on for the past few days can even count as a breakup." signature smirk creeping across his face.

"Let's not say those words. They give me chills. Call me at six, okay?" Clare leaned in to kiss Eli, their lips gliding together, perfectly insync, for several seconds. As she walked inside she waved at him and he honked, pulling away from her house. _I'll just stop worrying about this. Eventually I'll tell him. The time isn't right yet..._


End file.
